Christmas used to be a lot simpler. With encouragement from Mom and Dad, children believed in Santa Claus. They wrote him letters. They sat on his lap. The left him milk and cookies. It was the mark of a good parent to mindlessly encourage the Santa myth. Now it's just a sack full of worries.
Here is what some say is wrong with Santa:
* He is a symbol of crass commercialism and consumerism.
* The jolly old elf is an overweight role model for an inappropriate sedentary lifestyle.
* Cookies and milk are taboo for nutritionally savvy children.
* Santa is a stranger! Don't talk to him and whatever you do, don't sit on his lap.
* Parents who encourage a belief in Santa are foisting a grand deception on their children, who inevitably will be disappointed and disillusioned.
Whoa! Is it time to rein in the reindeer?
According to child psychologist Bruce Henderson, a professor of psychology, children's thinking about Santa Claus and other figures reflects their general level of cognitive development. "Santa is just one of the many fantasy figures that exist in the preschooler's world," said Henderson. "Adults might just be wasting time by trying to get a child of that age to give up on such a warm and fuzzy character to accept adult realities."
The trouble comes when a child begins to think in a more concrete, rule-governed way and has doubts about Santa's ability to get everywhere on Christmas Eve or when disbelieving peers start raising questions. Research as far back as the late 19th century suggested that this happens about age 6 or 7, Henderson said. "Most parents do not worry very much that encouraging the Santa myth is harmful or that eventually spilling the beans will make their children mad at them," he said. "They are torn, however, about what to do when their children directly confront them with their doubts."
So, what should parents do?
Even the experts don't agree. "At one extreme are those who suggest that any kind of deception is wrong. On the other extreme are those who consider most any fantasy to be valuable for stretching the child's imagination," he said. "A good rule of thumb to keep in mind is that children are remarkably resilient in response to hurt and disappointment."
But if you're concerned about deceiving your children, you should avoid the Santa mythology right from the beginning, Henderson advises. If you celebrate Christmas, you may want to emphasize the historical figure of Saint Nicholas or talk with your children about the role of Santa Claus in Christmas tradition. It could be more problematic if you want to encourage your children's fantasy. During the preschool years, go ahead and enjoy the myth with your kids; however, as your children's thinking becomes more concrete, you will have to shift your own thinking to be consistent with theirs.
"The reality is that children may be more ready to give up the more magical aspects of the Santa myth than their parents are," Henderson said. "The risk is that such parents will lose credibility in the face of their child's concrete thinking and the knowledge they have gained from their peers. This risk is most serious for religious parents who may want to carefully separate the Santa folklore from the historical, religious significance of the Christmas celebration."
As in many aspects of parent-child relations, perhaps the best advice for parents is to let the child provide the cues, Henderson said. "Forcing an elaborate Santa Claus story on children serves no good purpose for child or parent," he said. "On the other hand, following the child's lead in fantasy play about Santa Claus is likely to do no more harm than imaginative play surrounding Elmo or Mickey Mouse. Parents can respond to direct questions honestly with answers appropriate to their children's developmental levels."
But no matter what you do, there is no need to be a Scrooge or turn your child into a Grinch who steals other children's joy.
--From the Editors at Netscape
