By Laura Snyder
Space. You'd have to be a rocket scientist to understand it, even when you're only talking about the emotional kind.
So when your once-happy partner suddenly expresses this new need for "space" do you assume it's over or wait it out? Here's how to proceed.
Space Case #1: Define
Your first fear is that your honey's desire for a little alone time is going to leave you alone, for good. And there certainly are dudes (and dames) who use "I need space" as a code for "I want out and am too chicken to say so." But you're not going to know that unless you ask. Ask what he/she wants to get out this and pay attention to the answer. Does he need more time to focus on work, for example, or does she just want more time away from you?
Space Case #2: Downshift
If your claustrophobic cutie is still fuzzy on details, ask point-blank if this is a break-up. You may not like the answer, but it'll be better than not knowing. Even if you've been exclusive, he or she may have gotten cold feet and want to shift the relationship back to something more casual. Ask how often you will see each other. Does he/she want to scale back to just once or twice a week, or only weekends? You're not obligated to stick around if this doesn't suit you, but at least you'll know what to expect.
Space Case #3: Scrutinize
Take a long, objective look at what's going on with this relationship. How has your relationship been going up to this point? Are there other signs that indicate that "I want space" just means "I'm not sure about this"? If things have been going well, it may just be that something else in life - a busy work project, a sick parent - is keeping focus away from you.
Space Case #4: Set a Deadline
Avoid the temptation of asking when you'll see each other again; your spacey sweetie may not be able, or want to, answer such a direct question. Try to stay casual by saying you understand, but you do enjoy his/her company, and suggest he or she give you a call when ready to get together.
Space Case #5: Stay Cool
Now the hard part: actually being as cool about the situation as you claim to be. Fill your time with hobbies and friends, and resist the urge to call "just to say hi." Let your lover come back to you on his or her own...and if it doesn't happen after a couple of weeks, you'll know it's time to move on.
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