By Laura Snyder
"Being in a relationship for 20 years means you have no idea what the dating scene is like today," says Dr. Bronwen Lichtenstein, a University of Alabama researcher, who studies women recently divorced or widowed.
"There is a lot of uncertainty and anxiety in returning to the dating scene...nobody knows what the rules are because everything's changed."
Do you have questions about dating the second time around? We've got the answers.
Midlife Crisis #1: Am I Ready?
Dating can be especially intimidating when you're recovering from divorce or the death of a spouse. Don't let your friends or family rush you back into the singles scene. You should feel like you want to meet someone new, not like you should. When you catch yourself noticing cute strangers, being tempted to check out online dating sites "just to see what's out there," or even flirting in the check-out line, you're on your way!
Midlife Crisis #2: Where Do People Meet?
You've outgrown the bar scene - and that's a good thing. According to Lichtenstein, the most successful singles explore their hobbies and build their own satisfying life (and find they meet other likeminded people along the way). Try things that interest you, but don't overlook opportunities in your day-to-day activities. "[Singles] told me they often meet people in grocery stores. There's a whole dating scene for this age group going on in Wal-Mart and Publix," she says.
Midlife Crisis #3: What Do I Wear?
Many singles of a certain age feel like they're stuck between dating too young - or too old - for their age. You don't want to dress like your teenage kids, but you're not exactly ready for elastic waistbands. Look for something that makes you feel good, and adapt current styles to suit your taste.
Midlife Crisis #4: Should I Talk About My Past?
At this point in your life, you're definitely carrying a little emotional baggage. It's tempting to unload it to a new date, but resist the urge. Keep your date conversation positive. You can always shed light on your divorce or the loss of your spouse once things start getting serious.
Midlife Crisis #5: What Do I Tell My Kids?
It can be difficult to explain to your grown kids that you're interested in dating. Some children can only see you in your role as parent, not getting that you have your own human feelings and needs. Others may see your moving on as a dig against your former/late spouse, or just don't want you to rock the family boat. Try to anticipate their reactions and plan on how to address them - but don't let it stop you from getting out there.
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