If you can't find your soul mate, don't give up. It takes most of us, especially people who live in urban areas, about half our lives to find that one special person we want to marry.
People who are single for so many years have created an elaborate network of "markets" in which to search for companionship and sex. Call it a real-life "Sex and the City," although the shoes may not be as expensive. "On average, half your life is going to be in this single and dating state, and this is a big change from the 1950s," Edward Laumann, the project's lead author and an expert in the sociology of sexuality, explained to The Associated Press.
There are two reasons we are single for so long: Younger people are putting off marriage, and many of those who once said "I do" and then changed their minds to "I don't" find themselves single again post-divorce.
The study: Laumann and his colleagues examined how race and sexual orientation play a role in forming relationships, as well as the effect multiple sexual partners and jealousy have on lovers. In addition to interviewing 2,114 people in the Chicago area between 1995 and 1997, they questioned real sociology experts: police officers, clergy, and social workers. The researchers also studied neighborhoods that were predominantly black, Hispanic, and gay.
The results:
- .Between the ages of 18 and 59, those surveyed cohabited an average of nearly four years and were married about 18.
- .The rest of the time, which was an average of about 19 years, they were dating or alone with no steady companion.
- .Young people are delaying marriage not only because they are pursuing an education, but also because they are wary of matrimony.
- .23 percent of men and 31 percent of women said they experienced jealous conflict at some point during their relationships.
- .Men were more likely than women to have more than one sexual partner while they were in a committed relationship. Among those surveyed, 20 percent of men and 6 percent of women said they'd had sex with at least one other person during their most recent relationship.
The two meet markets:
When we seek a partner, we use two basic markets: transactional and relational.
- .Transactional encounters, which typically form in bars, health clubs, and other public places, are uncommitted and meant to be short-term.
- .Relational encounters are facilitated by family, friends, and church members. When your college roommate fixes you up with a friend, it's a relational encounter.
Hispanics are most likely to meet prospective partners through their families, friends, or church, while young, upper income people are more likely to meet partners at school or work. As they age, women are less likely to meet a partner through work or church, which makes it more difficult for older women to find someone. Why? Laumann speculates that men in their 40s often seek women who are at least five to eight years younger than they are. Meanwhile, gay men are more focused on transactional relationships, but lesbians are more interested in relational connections.
Call it the urban couplings of the new century. "What's going on now is making the sexual revolution of the '60s and '70s pale in comparison," Eli Coleman, director of the Program in Human Sexuality at the University of Minnesota, marveled to AP.
