When the honeymoon period in a relationship is over, every woman asks herself, "Do we really belong together?" Many look for the answer in women's magazines or on the Internet. But there's only one way to find out if you and your lover will stand the test of time - by answering some tough questions:
How do you see the problem at hand? If you have been asking yourself, "Am I right for him?" instead of "Are we right for each other?" we have one psychological term for you to learn: projection. Projection is a defense mechanism in which you cast your own feelings onto another person. So if you're questioning how well you fulfill his needs, you may be unsure of just how well he fulfills yours. Ask the right questions first.
Do you laugh together? We're not talking about laughing at Frasier. We're talking about making each other laugh. Do you find him witty? Does he find you witty? Make sure that in most instances, he's laughing with you, not at you.
Do you make time to talk? A recent study conducted by the University of Washington found that couples who "shared feelings" and "worked on communicating" were the least likely to split. True communication doesn't happen while gossiping with friends over dinner. Nor does it happen as you watch an episode of Friends on television. We're talking about face to face quality time. You may find it difficult to get your man to sit down and talk. Often men need a shared experience, such as a book or movie, to relate their feelings to. So we suggest you invest in a DVD player and start renting romantic comedies. He'll be talking about love before the credits roll.
Are you secure enough to spend time apart? Spending 24-7 with your man will put you straight on the road to relationship burnout. Maintain an individual identity and your own friends. After all, if you share the same friends, you can't bitch about him to them.
Do you always try to fascinate him with your wit, beauty and intelligence? Let your hair down. Make sure he falls for the real you, not the image of yourself that you try to project at work. Best he learn to love your uncool, ugly and boring side early on.
Do you have the same views about money? 60% of married couples cite money as the number one cause of fights. Make sure you have similar views about spending and saving. If not, make sure you're both OK with keeping separate bank accounts and finances for the rest of your life.
Do you mother him? One day you may have your own children. Don't wear yourself out, or him, by making sure he eats lunch, dresses warmly and plays fair with coworkers. Get yourself a man, not a little boy.
Do you have the same idea of Friday night fun? If you want to drink at a bar until dawn and he wants to rent a movie, don't expect him to change. Marianne Dainton, associate professor of communication at La Salle University in Philadelphia, doesn't paint a rosy picture of extrovert-introvert partners. She says, "A gregarious partner may feel held back by a shy person while a shier person may never get the chance to recharge if dating an extrovert." Constant compromising will wear you both thin and you'll inevitably look for someone who likes to do the things you do.
If the outlook is dim, don't fret. Breaking up is hard to do. But spending the rest of your life with someone you're not compatible with is even worse.
