That's the word from the MSNBC.com/iVillage "Lust, Love & Loyalty Survey," which found a number of fascinating facts about infidelity in the 30-question poll of more than 70,000 adults.
What IS infidelity?
Pretty much everyone agrees that sexual intercourse or oral sex constitutes cheating. What about a passionate kiss? Fully 83 percent consider that cheating, and 66 percent say online sex or sexual Webcamming is also being unfaithful.
How common is infidelity?
Men and women who are in monogamous relationships are, for the most part, faithful to each other. About one in five have cheated on their current partners at least once, although the rate is higher among married men where nearly half admit to being unfaithful at some point in their lives. When cheating happens, it typically occurs well into the relationship, especially after three to five years. "We think everybody is out there doing it," Janet Lever, a sociologist at California State University, Los Angeles, and the study's lead researcher, told MSNBC.com. "Well, they're not." Still, only 8 percent of men and 4 percent of women say they've never had the chance to fool around.
Who is the other woman or other man?
The new lover is most often a friend or co-worker.
How long does the affair last?
You may be surprised by this. The typical affair lasts less than a week.
Are they getting away with it?
The short answer: Probably. Being unfaithful is apparently easy since most partners never realize their one true love is cheating on them. Sixty percent of cheaters insist they totally got away with it, while 10 percent admitted their partner was suspicious but never found out for sure. Only 2 percent were ever busted in the act. Even when cheaters are confronted by their suspicious partners, only 6 percent of men and women actually confess to the affair. "It is surprising that the wives and husbands and girlfriends aren't more suspicious," Lever explained to MSNBC.com. "Even when they know something's amiss--a sex life that's fizzled or intimacy waning--they count on their partner's love to keep them from straying."
Who is most likely to cheat?
There is no profile. "It can be the 30-year-old guy who's been cohabiting for six years with his girlfriend, or the 45-year old guy who has seemed happily married for 15 years, or, perhaps most surprising, it's the young mom who seems totally wrapped up with her infant and toddler," Lever told MSNBC.com. Being a mom or dad isn't necessarily a deterrent. Fifteen percent of mothers and 16 percent of fathers with children ages 2 to 5 years old have had an affair. Even more surprising, 7 percent of moms and 9 percent of dads were unfaithful while there was a baby under age 2 at home. Women tend to cheat once, while men of all ages are twice as likely to be serial offenders.
Do rich men cheat more?
Yes! Fully 32 percent of men making more than $300,000 a year reported cheating, compared with 21 percent of men who made less than $35,000 a year. Why? Wealthy men probably have more opportunities than poorer men. Interestingly, wealth doesn't appear to be a factor for women's affairs.
Why do men cheat?
Sex: 44 percent
Variety: 40 percent
More satisfying sex: 38 percent
Excitement: 30 percent
Why do women cheat?
Emotional attention: 40 percent
Excitement: 30 percent
Being reassured of their desirability: 33 percent
Falling in love with someone else: 20 percent
More satisfying sex: 20 percent
Is cheating ever OK?
No, never: 71 percent
It's justified if a partner has no interest in sex: 25 percent of men and 10 percent of women.
Do you regret being unfaithful?
No: 66 percent
Feel guilty: 49 percent
Feel stressed: 32 percent
Sadness: 25 percent
I'm glad I did it: 12.5 percent
Source: MSNBC.com/iVillage Lust, Love & Loyalty survey
--From the Editors at Netscape
