Even little children can be full of big anger.
A child who doesn't know how to properly channel anger may be susceptible to inappropriate behavior, say anger management experts who deal with children.
Parents need to help their children manage their anger, talk about right and wrong and monitor their children's behavior, even at a very early age.
"Say, 'It's OK to have feelings of anger, but it's not OK to hurt people,'" said Lea deFrancisci of the Child Study Center at New York University.
If a child says he wants to hit his teacher, a parent should follow up with questions and a lesson on proper behavior, she said.
Parents shouldn't worry that talking with their young children about negative feelings will have a negative impact.
"You're never putting an idea in your kid's head by asking about it," she says. "Parents can't be afraid to talk about taboo topics."
During the conversation, parents need to stress the differences between right and wrong, says Lisa Pion-Berlin, president of Parents Anonymous.
"Hitting someone is not going solve any problems. It's not going to make you feel better and there will be consequences, too," she said.
Then the parent needs to offer a workable solution that lets the child know his or her feelings will be addressed, she said.
And remember, teaching kids how to manage emotions is an ongoing process; it's not about just one Big Talk.
"Parents need to tune into their kids' emotional state," said Pion-Berlin added.
Don't dismiss a child's embarrassment over an incident at school, worries about a test grade or fight with a friend, added Andy Reitz, a child consultant with the Child Welfare League of America.
"When kids do get angry, adults have to take them seriously," he said.
Parents should become concerned if a child has many episodes of extremely angry behavior over an extended time period, he says. Doctors, school psychologists and mental health professionals can help parents identify problems.
For more typical childhood anger, he recommends introducing strategies such as counting backward from 10 or taking deep breaths.
He also recommends watching for inappropriate behavior and addressing it immediately.
"Issues can't be corrected if you're not there to see it," he says.
How to help your child with anger:
Parents need to:
– Take kids' feelings seriously
– Allow your kids to see you experience a variety of feelings
– Instill a sense of right and wrong in your child
– Create an environment where they feel comfortable opening up to you
– Work with them to find productive solutions to problems
– Offer constructive alternatives to violence such as journaling, kicking a soccer ball or riding a bike
While every child has difficult moments, sometimes anger can signal a more serious issue. Here are some behaviors you may want to discuss with a professional:
ELEMENTARY CHILDREN
– Marked fall in school performance.
– Poor grades in school despite trying very hard
– Severe worry or anxiety, as shown by regular refusal to go to school, go to sleep or take part in activities that are normal for the child's age
– Hyperactivity; fidgeting; constant movement beyond regular playing
– Persistent nightmares
– Persistent disobedience or aggression (longer than 6 months) and provocative opposition to authority figures
– Frequent, unexplainable temper tantrums
PRE-ADOLESCENTS AND ADOLESCENTS
– Marked change in school performance.
– Inability to cope with problems and daily activities
– Marked changes in sleeping and/or eating habits
– Frequent physical complaints
– Sexual acting out
– Depression shown by sustained, prolonged negative mood and attitude, often accompanied by poor appetite, difficulty sleeping or thoughts of death
– Abuse of alcohol and/or drugs
– Intense fear of becoming obese with no relationship to actual body weight, purging food or restricting eating
– Persistent nightmares
– Threats of self-harm or harm to others
– Self-injury or self destructive behavior
– Frequent outbursts of anger, aggression
– Threats to run away
– Aggressive or non-aggressive consistent violation of rights of others; opposition to authority, truancy, thefts, or vandalism
– Strange thoughts, beliefs, feelings, or unusual behaviors
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